And so I love you

And so I love you.
Deeply & fearfully-
my heart can break at any moment!-
but without reprieve.
I cannot escape it-
I have run before
but once again I am captured.
So I have given in.
I have allowed you to take me by storm, against my better judgment,
to turn my heart over to you again.
I have thrown caution to the wind,
hoping my heart will not be torn apart a second time.

The Loneliness

It's growing harder to pretend that I am fine w/ the status quo.
It's more difficult to accept this reality.
My heart cries out to have you,
my thoughts are constantly about you.
I need you more & more every day but I cannot have you.
The loneliness engulfs me some nights.

Whole

He comes to me & I am fulfilled.
The lonely part of my heart is gone.
He smiles @ me & I come undone.
All the magic in the world in his eyes.
We are so fitting together,
like puzzle pieces who have finally found their match.
And in his arms, everything is perfect.
Our love makes me whole.

I am in love with a man who is not there,
who exists almost entirely in my mind.
He comes to me in between the moments of his real life,
the life I am not a part of,
and at those times, he is real.
He holds me tight & whispers sweet things into my hair & I believe this fantasy is reality.
But then he goes
quietly back to that real life,
leaving me hidden in his imagination,
and I have only memories of our time.
I cannot curl up beside him & feel his steady warmth,
cannot breathe in his familiar smell.
I build our lives on dreams & wishes,
fairytales I spin out of whole cloth.
None of it is real,
except for the part where he has stolen my heart completely.

Powerless

I know that nothing good can come from any of this,
yet I can't pull myself away.
Your siren song is my undoing
and I am pulled deeper into your captivity.
I should know better & I should tear myself free from your hold on me.
But something keeps me coming back for more.
I am powerless against you.

Light

You make me feel so light
like air
as if I'm made of feathers & fairy dust.
When we are together time stands still & everything seems right.

I am in love with a man who isn't there.
He stands as an apparition, a fantasy.
He isn't real.
He is what I have made him to be.